diarrhea of the soul
i ache. there is pain but i want to ignore it. i know that the darkness that dwells within i have to let go. it is that chasm that dwells within that i fear to traverse. and to speak of the fear that has covered my being. it is cold. it is strange. odd. unusual place for me to be. i’ve become in short the thing that i’ve always feared. i’m destructive and reclusive. i feed upon my own insecurities within my essence. i feel horrible that she sees this… this thing that dwells within. the ugliness. i hide it, but yet she knows. she sees that i’m not who i am but some shell, because that’s what i wish for her to experience and not this rage that consumes me from within. but alas, i have to let this go. it is a sickness that has affected my soul. like impure food in the stomach, this anger has become acid to my being. as such i will endure pain to strip it free of me. but i am afraid. i fear what will be left once it is gone. the overwhelming feelings that overtake me, yet inspires me, but ultimately numbs me. for this cannot dwell within and in harmony with her or anyone. it is destructive and it must go. for it has become the diarrhea of my soul.