[walks up on crowd where there is someone Folk hasn't seen in a while]

Folk: Haven’t seen you in a second! What brings you over to our part of the world?
Person: I know. How you been? I’m here decorating.
Folk: …decorating?
Person: I’m on the Holiday festivities board and so we’re decorating the offices to celebrate the different cultures during this holiday season. We’re putting up a Christmas Tree, Hanukkah decorations, and a Kwanzaa Tree
Folk: What the heck is a Kwanzaa Tree?
Person: It’s a tree that is decorated in the traditional Kwanzaa colors.
Folk: Kwanzaa?
Person: [Looks at Folk kinda confused b/c Folk is a person of color] Well Kwanzaa is an African American Holiday that was created by an African-American social activist, Maulana Karenga in the 1960′s in order for… {interrupted by Folk}
Folk: Yeah, yeah… Folk know about all that. So what is the purpose of celebrating a fictional holiday made up by a man who was high off the herb that has no real African roots or significance? There’s no religious symbolism or ties to any real African traditions. Soooo…. If Folk went outside and had some mushrooms and came up with a new holiday about the graylien aliens and their glowing reproductive organs would the y’all celebrate that too? Folk just asking…?

[several black folks in crowd disperse quickly]

Person: [blink] [blink]
Folk: [grabs and gives politically and business correct hug] you know Folk have to give you a hard time girl. [laughs]
Person: I know… [laughs with Folk and secretly thinks it's hard being a Caucasian cousin around Folk]

Seriously people. What the fvck? Are black folks seriously taking this Kwanzaa sh!t seriously? And who appointed Kwanzaa as the official “black folks ain’t celebrating Christmas so we got to do this Kwanzaa sh!t?” Who? Point them fvckers out so that Folk can bash their heads in with a piece of Folk’s dead grandmother’s fruit cake that’s been around since the 70′s and sell the remnants of their gray matter mixed with fruit cake to galaxius twelve.

So let’s set the record straight. The “esteemed” African-American scholar and social activist, Maulana Karenga real name is Ron N. Everett. Ron is an ex-con who had beef with the Black Panthers and was convicted for 10 years for apparently torturing the very people Kwanzaa is supposed to celebrate! Black Folks!

As for Kwanzaa? Kwanzaa is a direct descendant of Ron’s philosophy during his earlier thug years known as “The Path of Blackness.” Ron convinced himself and his followers “The sevenfold path of blackness is think black, talk black, act black, create black, buy black, vote black, and live black.” (Kinda reminds you of the fvcking seven principles of Kwanzaa doesn’t it?) But tell Folk something. Will someone tell Folk how to fvcking think black? How? Folk’s thinking really hard right now and Folk don’t know what color Folk is thinking in. Maybe Mauve? (Folk likes Mauve)

As for you fvckers that are gonna hate on this whole topic, fvck you! Ron had about as much sense when it came to creating Kwanzaa as Folk has in understanding and teaching Ancient Chinese sinophone and it’s written form of hanzi.

Kwanzaa is supposed to be some kinda harvest festival? Come on, the word Kwanzaa is derived from the Swahili phrase “matunda ya kwanza”, meaning “first fruits”. What harvest is happening during the middle of the winter in Africa (Folk ain’t saying it’s cold, just asking what harvesting is going on)? Ain’t no harvesting going on this time of year. The latest harvest season in Africa is late October, according to the research that Folk could dig up. And plus, Swahili is an East African language. The vast majority of slaves came from Western Africa. What? Folk don’t see Jewish people celebrating Hanukkah by speaking German.

This motherfvcker got peeps wrapping themselves in “African” garbs and lighting candles in shyt. Teaching the children shyt that has no basis in anything (kinda like Santa). Motherfvcking Caucasian cousins feeling all multi-cultural and shyt telling Folk “Happy Kwanza!” like that shyt real. But the capitalistic pigs are more than happy to endorse this fvckery and sale you some imaginary “official” Kwanzaa merchandise to ensure your festivities are filled with the “proper” decor and paraphernalia. Fvck Kwanzaa.

[and fvckers go screaming] “But Folk, other American cultures have their different holidays and sh!t, what’s wrong with Black Folks having one?!?” “You ain’t got to be an azz ’bout this Folk!”

Okay. Point taken. But those other holidays are based on some historical sh!t that is relevant to their fvcking heritage and culture! Hell, Folk would take Junteenth before this Kwanzaa sh!t. At least that’s based on some historical sh!t other than some fantasy blazed up fvckery created by some fvcker who had beef with his own people.

…and how the fvck do you get a job in the Black Studies Department at Cal State University in Long Beach after being convicted for torture? How?

People, ya’ll got to check yo history because these fvckers will tell you anything and have us all just fvcked. Folk taking ya’ll out with the Kwanzaa Kleenex that can wipe Folk’s azz.

Happy Kwanzaa bytches!