Review: Madden 11 – D@mned you EA Sports! This is some…
Okay… Let Folk calm the fvck down and give this an adequate review. It had seemed that EA Sports had forgot about us casual football gamers that wanted the realism but with an arcade, pick up and go, feel.
So Folk heard all the roar that Madden 11 was bringing the fun back for the casual gamer, i.e. Folk like folks out there. The catch? GameFlow! Before we jump into what GameFlow is, let's talk about the presentation of Madden 11.
When Folk fired this bad boy up in anticipation, Folk was met with the 35MB required download. Really!?!? Isn't this a brand fvcking new game. Oh well… You're presented with a well choreographed video introduction and… What!?! Another download? Shyt! So Exhibition play d@mnit! Visuals are on point. Football has come a long way since the three man on three Atari days. Controls are familiar, so those familiar with the Madden franchise will instantly be at home. Even for old dogs like Folk's self found the muscle memory kicking in. It's official. The run is back! For all too long the run in the Madden franchise was a fvcking lottery ticket for the casual gamer and something for fvckers with nothing else to do but play to exploit. The plays unfold naturally and as expected. Occasionally there are the WTF isn't that a pass interference ref? Which brings up another noticable item, penalties aren't called as often as Folk remembers from earlier versions. Plus.
So what's with this GameFlow? GameFlow is nothing more than the "Ask Madden" feature seamlessly woven into the game. It actually works (for the most part). Being that it's a computer calling plays for you, it passes. Barely. For the remaining 30% of the time, better have your audibles set up for maximum effectiveness. Using nothing more than GameFlow with audibles 20-30% of the time to tweak the game play to Folk's liking, Folk was able to rack up several wins quickly (especially after some much needed pass training, also found within the game). Folk don't give a fvck about the cost of e-popcorn, e-tickets, or whether or not the e-fans are happy about Folk's performance or not. But for those who are concerned, EA Sports shines in the dirty details of simulating ownership of a franchise, managing, and coaching. Wannabe team owners can tweak to their e-heart delight. But again, Folk don't give a fvck about this kind of trivial shyt! Folk grew up in the era of Tecmo Bowl and the key component was grid iron action! The thrill of stopping key players and sending their azzes home in that d@mned ambulance. So fvck the review about the franchise mode. But if you give a d@mned 'bout that kinda shyt then it's all there. You can care if you want about concessions, merchandise, ticket sales, contracts, salaries, staffing, retirements, free agencies, draft picks, and shyt. It's there. But Folk dont' give a fvck. Take Folk back to the gawt d@mned grid iron. So back to the grid iron we go!
In the 21st century the real e-grid iron is online, so Folk decided to do something that Folk hasn't done in a long fvcking time. Get Folk's azz whopped by some juvenile testosterone filled fvck who ain't got a life in the online world. Folk fired up the option, logged in and… WTF is this? An additional charge for an "Online Pass." Folk paid $60.00 fvcking bucks for this shyt! Folk ain't about to pay these fvckers another $10.00 gawt d@mned dollars in this economy to get Folk's azz beat by strangers! Are they fvcking kidding Folk? WTF EA?!?! WTF!?!?
That's right. What was quickly becoming the game that would lure Folk back into the bowels of Football geekdom turned out to be a turd where it counted most! Online play. But this is a review of the game so…. So here's the review for on-line play….
Fvck y'all! Folk ain't paying extra just to peep! That's like paying a stripper for a fully clothed dry hump in the back room and the lights outs for fvckmeintheazzninenintynine.
Here's the gawt d@mned sad thing about fvcking monopolies that can control every fun fvcking thang! They can charge your azz until your azz is dryer than the vaginal walls of an hundred year old professional still practicing harlot in the deserts of Africa! Matter of fact, most of the options you'll want to peruse are locked and require the Madden NFL 11 Online Pass or some form of payment. If you like playing with yourself all alone in dark rooms then this shyt's for you. If you like playing with others that live in other states then be prepared and forewarned that EA is out for your financial azz and prepare to burn some fundage! UPDATE: Thanks to BFDS Reader Charles Darkley, you actually don't have to pay for the online pass! You only have to pay for the pass if you don't have the instruction book. A way to cut bootleggers Folk guess. But y'all knew Folk don't read instructions right? (What men read instruction books?) Why couldn't they put a disclaimer on the d@mned screen! Okay! As a result, 4/5 instead of 3/5! Thanks again to reader Charles Darkely for the info. And read your d@mned instruction books guys (goes to read). Code is on the back to get your azz online. So look for Folk out there, PS3 gamer tag sTTook.
Tags: Video Games