SCC:  Floss’n in shopping malls and airports
November 3, 2013 – 4:17 am | Comments Off

Now to da bus of bullshytiness and why these peeps got to stop with da fvcking stereotyping!

A 19-year-old college student from Queens says he was handcuffed and locked in a jail cell after buying a $350 designer belt at Barneys on Madison Avenue because he is “a young black man.”

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Verse

Because poetry is the salve of a hurting soul. The expression of a gleeful heart. And the water for the thirsty spirit.

Music

Metal Mondays to expand your horizons and Timeless Tuesdays to take you back where you need to be

All About Folk

To get to know a person’s soul is to read the words of their hands. …or to find out how crazy a motherf%$#* really is.

Comic Relief

You think the world is fvcked up now? Take comedy out of the mix. Then we’ll see how fvcked up things can get! So laugh b!tch.

Social Commentary

Because Folk got something to say about what the fvck is going on in society in hopes of affecting positive change.

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Who do I run to?
July 25, 2014 – 11:19 am | No Comment

So here I am. At the park crying like a bioytch.

She appeared awkward as I was leaving the shower. I noticed the corner of a flower petal on her shoulder but I wanted to give her the opportunity to tell me when she wanted to. 

So I moved on. As she showered I wanted to see her, I am a man and the only woman I’ve had is my hand. So I peeped like a adolescent boy.

But her body isn’t what I would see. She has a beautiful back piece from shoulder to hip. The artist is good. I can tell it’s going to get colored in.

But that isn’t what caused my emotions to run, the fact she hasn’t shared this with me. I’ve been home three fucking days. Three!  One two three. And not one gawt dammed word.

Has nothing to do with size or the fact she got one…  The fact she felt or feel like she couldn’t share. 

I told PC that she equates lack of me taking with we don’t communicate. Just because I’m not talking means we don’t communicate?  I’m just leaving more room for her to talk and I just prefer not pulling teeth. 

When I talk I can’t stop. Hell I’m constantly reminding myself to shut da fuck up so it doesn’t appear that I’m lecturing her.

So where is the balance?  Where is the fulcrum?  Where? 

Better yet why am I running?

…I do not like confrontation when my emotions are so charged.    … And why the hell has she not reached out to me?  Is there no concern?  Why do I care? 

… Because I do love her. I cherish the time we’ve spent together and despite what is our current reality or maybe the tipping point to the end I will never stop caring about her.

Hard day: redux
July 24, 2014 – 9:41 pm | No Comment

I sit here fighting back the tears. Mat knows something is amiss but she’s being respectful.
I don’t care…
The thought took me to my knees. All over a sky dive she has planned on Saturday. She told me she was going to but never said when. She didn’t tell me because she didn’t / don’t think I care.
She could fucking die. Sure I may not have been home. So I repeat what she told me, as her husband …

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Hard day
July 23, 2014 – 8:01 pm | No Comment

For everyone. Days like today I just wanna feel sorry for myself and whine. I feel the emotions in there backed up like constipation. My eyes are darkening up from lack of sleep despite the pills. 
Mom broke down again today. Had to talk to the Rev. It’s not good. Everyone is mentally drained. But I had to put on a good face. Be the supporter and the psychiatrist.
Financially the hole is getting larger. As so as I …

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Resentful
July 23, 2014 – 3:11 pm | No Comment

For some reason as I cleaned the time and got the sissy from behind the tub wiped the baseboards cleaned the front of the vanity I became resentful. Start thinking about all the shit over the years I did / do that…  Toothbrushes razor blades I never kept a journal of those things. There were things I made sure she knew about to feel valuable. She’s not the type to go out her way to notice things or changes. …

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Dialed in error
July 22, 2014 – 12:58 am | No Comment

She laughs sheepishly as she always do which brings a smile. She apologizes for calling and attempts to explain it was by mistake. Sure.
Two nights in a row this time. Syncing with the days that she isn’t home. I could tell that she just wanted to hear a familiar voice as the conversation ends as quickly as it starts. She proclaims she misses me and quickly inquires when I’m to return. I tell her soon. I try not …

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Reality
July 22, 2014 – 12:57 am | No Comment

I’ve always said it’s bad when you lie to yourself, but hope will have you doing that and love.  Love will have you delusional.
I don’t think she cares for my new honesty toward myself and to her. My rose colored glasses are broken. The thing that haunts me most and keeps me up at night is the fact I can no longer see tomorrow.
I survive the days, barely. I’m often overwhelmed. I constantly push emotions to the …

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Broken
July 21, 2014 – 8:13 pm | No Comment

I sit here trying to learn what I can of my side kick through Facebook. She’s on the other side of the country. She found a Pho spot not far from her hotel from what I can gather through tracing locations via Google maps. I use satellite to “see”. 
My heart drops slightly. I’m saddened. In my mind there are so many happy moments but the soundtrack of her words haunt me. The nights she cried herself to sleep, …

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Time
July 15, 2014 – 8:26 pm | Comments Off

Time is the taker of the moment.  The manipulator of history through failed memories and devious intentions. The ever fleeting present that never exist in the now but only known through the records of the past. The keeper of inspiration, hope, and pain. The guardian of the future that never comes. The ghost of the ever present. The excuse of our failures when the future we hope for never comes. The chains of self torture because too often we …

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Murphy’s law
July 11, 2014 – 10:57 pm | Comments Off

One of those days. I’m swimming on paperwork from the last two weeks. Today I had to have s direct conversation with a peer that lead to a lot of…  Smh.
I know I’m near another episode of being overwhelmed. Anxiety attacks aren’t nice.
I’ve had multiple issues this week that have been “elevated”.
I’ve been placed on a couple of important committees that don’t help.
My yearly eval is due.  Today!  It’s 9 pm.
Situation at both homes …

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I
July 8, 2014 – 10:18 am | Comments Off

I get what I allow and I allow a lot. I bear burdens I don’t have to. But it makes me who I am. I walk gently but still choose to walk on broken glass. I cry silently and smile openly it is who I am. My principles require sacrifice where others scream i’m stupid but I know no other way. I hurt as much as I love.

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The invisible me that smothers me tight
March 12, 2014 – 12:23 am | Comments Off

flushed. arms heavy heart races slightly. a hollow feeling across my chest and torso. a tightening all around. naushia sets in. my mind races. attention span disappears. i fight the feeling of hopelessness and fear, yet I know I’m just a board in an angry sea.
that’s what my anxiety attacks feel like.
they are hell to fight. to keep them from overtaking me. to prevent them from shutting …

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glimpse of the past
March 9, 2014 – 12:33 am | Comments Off

today i slept in. really late. then watched ray the movie. but what happened later was something that hasn’t happened in a long time. i had the will to work on my upcoming school material. was able to jump from 18% completion to 48% completion.
got some other things done. even found myself multitasking for a few hours, which is something i haven’t been able to do in quite a second. …

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can’t fold?
March 6, 2014 – 7:40 pm | Comments Off

i’m sitting hear fighting back the tears. i’m typically really good at multi-tasking and getting stuff / shit done effectively, efficiently, and timely when it comes to work or life.
i’m not going to blame or point the finger but i’ve become silenced. i’m over whelmed. i’m left with the inability to think rationally or directly.
but i’m in a position that i can’t fold. i have the weight of eight people who rely on …

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