SCC:  Floss’n in shopping malls and airports
November 3, 2013 – 4:17 am | Comments Off

Now to da bus of bullshytiness and why these peeps got to stop with da fvcking stereotyping!

A 19-year-old college student from Queens says he was handcuffed and locked in a jail cell after buying a $350 designer belt at Barneys on Madison Avenue because he is “a young black man.”

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Verse

Because poetry is the salve of a hurting soul. The expression of a gleeful heart. And the water for the thirsty spirit.

Music

Metal Mondays to expand your horizons and Timeless Tuesdays to take you back where you need to be

All About Folk

To get to know a person’s soul is to read the words of their hands. …or to find out how crazy a motherf%$#* really is.

Comic Relief

You think the world is fvcked up now? Take comedy out of the mix. Then we’ll see how fvcked up things can get! So laugh b!tch.

Social Commentary

Because Folk got something to say about what the fvck is going on in society in hopes of affecting positive change.

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Not a chance
June 30, 2015 – 2:41 pm | No Comment

I’m in some of the best physical shape of my life, yet I’m crawling around in the mental worse dark moments of my life.

I’m closed. I’ve shut the doors to my soul. I’m no longer the one that meets needs. I’m paralyzed.

I tried. I gave it my all. I did everything I was supposed to do. I bared my soul. I opened my everything. I truly believed that we had become we to the point that isolated us from us.

I’m no mind reader. Yet I beat myself up for not reading her mind. Not knowing not to push. Not knowing when to be more open. Not knowing she was suffocating under me. That’s the rub. That’s where the true pain lies.

I did too much. This is no Hollywood film. All endings aren’t happy. All wounds don’t heal. All pain doesn’t go away.

This is life. And life moves on. …but how when you’ve lost the ability to move… Mentally.

Grip
June 28, 2015 – 8:27 pm | No Comment

Having a moment where i feel I’m losing a grip on reality. I just want to break down into pieces. Be weak for a spell.

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Rush
June 28, 2015 – 8:21 pm | No Comment

That conversation felt rushed. I tried to inquire about life there. Back home. Wanted to know what was going on with her. That door was closed.  Most of the conversation dealt with me, my work stressors, my work coping mechanisms, and her mom. Once that was done, it was done. Sad face.

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Work
June 24, 2015 – 9:31 am | Comments Off

Sometimes work is the hole into which smothers me in the chasm of ill repute. Irony I'm condemned to work a job I once loved. What makes it less tolerable is that life gives me limited options to do anything else. I'm bound with these chains. Hope everyone is happy. This is called responsibility. Lol. Let's get to it after working into the late night.
Posted with Blogsy

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Angel of death
June 24, 2015 – 9:28 am | Comments Off

Come close. Closer. Steal this pain of mine. Take this heartache. Remove this anger. Scare away this frustration. Strip from me the unbelievable sense of disappointment.
Stroll with me and take my hand. Caress my face with your icy hands and show me the love that I've become afraid to embrace. Warm my disenchanted soul with your cool embrace. Show me through your empty eyes that everyone dies but not everyone lives.
Give me …

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Little at a time
June 21, 2015 – 8:28 am | Comments Off

47 degrees out. 7496 feet above sea level. And I’m going for a short run. 13.1 miles to be exact. With a 1000 foot elevation gain at mile 7. A short stroll. And I’ll have the angel of death jogging next to me the entire time.
Helps with the fog.  The pain. Lets go for a short stroll angel of death. Lets go.

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Delete
June 14, 2015 – 1:56 am | Comments Off

A request to erase all traces on my devices. I've always protected her privacy with the upmost respect and locked anything down with earnest intentions they should never escape. She trusted me and I would uphold that trust.
Thus it wasn't overly complicated to comply with the request to delete. I haven't looked at them in quite some time and I was tempted to have a one last look moment, but out of respect and her feelings …

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Hate what I do
June 13, 2015 – 10:18 am | Comments Off

I so hate love and thankful for my job. I really didn't want to take this trip. Hell I so don't want to do he majority of what I do day in day out on the road or not, on the road just makes it that much mentally debilitating.
I'm told it's mostly in my mind this the thankfulness. Still sucks. I have almost zero motivation. Notta. None. But I live in America and they call it work …

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Raising my girls
June 12, 2015 – 5:39 pm | Comments Off

Ive become an expert on knowing when she's going to take a nap and I myself if I can rush to get a mental break in myself on days when the words flow and he stories don't stop because some days they don't stop and I don't want them to stop because the alternative is hysteria wrapped in fear or paranoia and I just want a little peace in the ocean of insanity that comes and goes with the …

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Less fvckatry; hopefully
June 12, 2015 – 7:51 am | Comments Off

Haven't been sleeping too well in my new digs last couple. Been having weird crazy dreams too. Last night was fixing something and then before that sleeping in a dorm like place and… It's all disjointed now. There's the sound of a fan almost alarm like that I hear in the middle of the night. Place is so eerily quiet with only the sounds of nature that comes through the window (should have replaced that window while I …

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Diminished capacity
June 9, 2015 – 6:35 am | Comments Off

She’s responding better. She’s heeding insightful advice.
Maybe because perspective. The idea of a grown woman sliding across the floor spreading fecal material kicked in some sense of reality.
Maybe a sense of what it has been like for me trying to negotiate the needs of four needy people and a fucked up job helped.
Don’t know. Yet we are what we are.
I have noticed with time in her mind the breakdown she had has a diminished overall …

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Psychologically damaged
June 3, 2015 – 2:18 pm | Comments Off

…insecure attachment styles may develop if early caretakers are not consistently available when needed – potentially including instances when a secure attachment bond is severed because of parental death. As adults, those with needier behavior in intimate relationships and have been found to have harder times when relationships end.

She remains a simple picture on a obscure table, yet her impact has shaped me to the core. My first visit to a counselor years ago uncovered this unresolved loss …

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Picking battles
May 28, 2015 – 2:42 pm | Comments Off

Even I’m learning. I confirmed that I had indeed sent her info on my current and upcoming trip. It bothered me and irritated me that she proclaimed I did not. I have a habit now to ensure that never happens a safe guard to ensure she gets travel info and yes indeed she was notified. But I’m not going to prove I’m right. It’s not worth the effort. It’s not important to me to be right in her eyes. …

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